Sometimes

Sometimes

you are walked slowly to the precipice

of a moment

a change,

a paradigm shift.

Or

you are dragged screaming, to the cliff-side;

clawing the ground.

And dirt clods

crumble

and fall.

Maybe

you turn around quite suddenly

and there you are,

the leap,

a tentative step,

one inch more.

Sometimes

you make the fall,

careening,

downward,

in progress.

But the wind invigorates

at least

on the way down.

And this

is better

than standing stomach clenched

on the edge.

Prepare to be incredulous...

Recently I have been whining that I haven't seen any classic 80's movies. And usually this is how that conversation goes:

Me: "Yeah I haven't really seen any of those classic 80's movies."
Person: "Like what?"
Me: "Um, like Breakfast Club? 16 Candles? Stuff like that."
Person: "OMG YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BREAKFAST CLUB? But you've seen Pretty in Pink right?"
Me: "No."
Person: "WHAT?!!?! Ok but you've seen like Ghostbusters right?"
Me: "No I really haven't seen anyth-"
Person: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! What 80's movies have you seen?"
Me: "Uh...well we watched Indiana Jones and Star Trek a lot at my house..."
Person: "Ok, promise me you will watch *insertfavoritemovie*"
ME: "Oh yeah, totally..."

To clarify, I mean 80's movies that I feel like most people have seen or heard of. This is based on what I have seen, what I grew up hearing referenced and ones that people get actually angry with me for not having seen. Like I've violated some human movie contract. Also I'm not talking weird cult favorite B movies or anything like that. When I say "classic 80s movies" this is generally what I mean (and maybe some are '79 or whatever, who cares):

Star Wars (all), Shining, Blues Brothers, Indiana Jones (any), E.T., Star Trek (any), A Christmas Story, Terminator, Gremlins, Karate Kid, Back to the Future, Breakfast Club, Goonies, Ferris Bueller, Top Gun, Labyrinth, Princess Bride, Dirty Dancing, Die Hard, Beetle Juice, Roger Rabbit, Harry Met Sally, 16 Candles, Pretty in Pink, Ghostbusters, etc. etc.

So of that list above I have NOT SEEN:
The Shining
Blues Brothers
Terminator
Gremlins
Karate Kid
Ferris Bueller
Top Gun
Dirty Dancing
Die Hard
Beetle Juice
Harry Met Sally
16 Candles
Pretty in Pink
Ghostbusters

I believe I have seen Christmas Story and Goonies all the way through, but Goonies I barely saw last year.

Speaking of Christmas Story, I hate that movie. It's creepy, they swear in it and somehow every kid grew up watching it? What? Who let you watch that? It's just weird. AND I also hated Who Framed Roger Rabbit when I was growing up. And I haven't seen it for years, but it's probably still a creepy-ass movie. The guy melting? Terrifying. The weird, weird, WEIRD relationship between Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit? I'm sorry, but that would never happen. There is no way that someone as hot as Jessica would bother with Roger Rabbit. Guy is a moron. And so loud! He's always yelling about stuff. Don't like the movie. Don't like the ride at Disneyland. Don't like it. I'll probably get a lot of crap for it, but I don't like E.T. either. Yes it was ground-breaking and yes it was heart-warming but I just don't have pleasant feelings attached to that movie. I don't know why. It skeeves me out.

On a related note, I purposefully have not watched Beetlejuice every Halloween on ABC family because are you kidding? Looks effing creepy.

I just barely watched Breakfast Club today, and it is a fantastic movie! It deserves to be a classic. But everyone is all over me for not having seen it ages ago and I'm watching it and it's an R rated movie. It has the F word, it has adult themes, it's a legit R rated movie. I ask you, when the hell was I supposed to have seen it? I am 24. Why would I have grown up watching it? I was under age 10 for the 90s?  My mother had standards and didn't randomly let me watch R rated movies. I would say no offense to you and how you were raised but seriously? Parenting fail for you my friend, hate to break it to you. I didn't see an (unedited) PG-13 movie until I was...13! Wow. How horrible of me. Watching appropriate content for my age group. Horrible. I didn't see an  R rated movie until I was 17. Maybe. It might have been 18. So it's only horrifying that I haven't seen Breakfast Club in the last like 5 years. And CLEARLY ya'll aren't sitting around watching it everyday so when would I have seen it? My parents don't watch R movies. So this is all on my friends. YOUR FAULT.

That can actually apply to any of these movies that are R or inappropriate. And it's not my mom and dad's fault. It's my friends' fault. It is a friend's job to expose you to all the weird, creepy, messed up, awesome, hilarious stuff that you need to be a well-rounded person.

And as for the movies that do not fall into the above category, such as Karate Kid, I don't have a good excuse. We watched Star Wars a lot. And Star Trek. And then we watched Disney! Kid's movies! I was a big fan of Bingo as a kid. I saw it as an adult and it was creepier than any other movie I've ever seen. But it was a kid's movie! I also have a deep and abiding love for Homeward Bound. I still love that movie. I will watch it any time. Any time. And my brother and I watched cartoons! Saturday morning! So sorry for being childlike in my childhood.

To sum up. No I haven't seen your favorite 80's movie. And yes I have probably laughed at a quote or reference you made without knowing what the hell you were talking about. I recognize they are good movies,  I promise I am trying to rectify the situation. I'm going to watch Stand By Me tomorrow! I'm getting there. I mostly want to watch it because it has Whil Wheaton in it, but it counts. If you can think of other phenomenal movies that you think "everyone" has seen let me know! And then loan it to me! Or invite me over! If it's so damn important make it happen!

My furniture even matches. Kind of.

SWEET MOTHER OF BANDWITH guess what I have?!!?! If you said moderately fast internet that won't crap out on videos and lets me find happiness and solace for loneliness online then you would be CORRECT.

If you said a ton of HW due tomorrow and an odd-smelling, messy apartment then you would also be correct my dear internet friend but I was not speaking of that so suck it.

Yes it is true. I have real internet of my very own in my very own apartment that I am now financially responsible for for one year. I also have a job and go to school full time where I am currently passing all of my classes. And I own a car that RUNS 100% of the time (so far) and as of this moment I am paying for all of my own bills without help. If we don't count last month. Which we aren't.

I even had an accountant do my taxes. I am so effing grown up right now my childhood is trembling in awe.

AND I own super grown-upy things like a toilet brush and a couch and pots and pans with matching lids. You heard me. I even ate breakfast today, and it was a bowl of cereal not mt dew. I ate it at 1:30 because I got up at noon but does that matter? No.

So in case anyone was wondering: I am an ADULT. Bam. Mind-blown. I'm winning at life for the moment. But I have to get off the internet because I have a paper that was assigned two weeks ago and is due tomorrow and I haven't started it yet.

OK maybe life and I are tied.

If you think this is about something important you're dreaming

Have you ever had a dream?

Not like a legit, Martin Luther King Jr. dream that actually means something. But a weird, half asleep almost awake dream that mixes in enough reality that it freaks you out but is freaking weird and you can't shake it when you wake up? I had one of those  dreams this morning. And so I sat down to write a blog post about it (because that's what you do, things happen to you but they don't REALLY happen to you until you put it on the internet) and now that I'm actually writing the post the whole dream has slipped away. I don't remember it at all. So now I'm left with a general feeling of unease, some random future moment of deja vou when something happens that was similar to my dream but I won't realize it because I FORGOT the stupid dream, and a pointless blog post.

But let's face it, like 80% of blog posts are pointless. But I think that they have the potential to be pointed, or not pointless? You know what I mean. Yes most blog posts/facebook posts/twitter tweets/instagram pics/pinterest pins are so pointless they're circular (not mathematically correct I know, shut up). But some posts have the potential to be triangular! Or rectangular! Or maybe even centagonal if that's a thing. They can be great, inspiring things that millions read and enjoy!

But this isn't one of those. This is a circular blog post.

Evolution and Christianity DOES mix.

My cousin and I are very very similar. Almost frighteningly so. She just posted "Confessions of an LDS Biology Student" on her blog and it describes so many of my feelings on the subject. There is no reason why science and God shouldn't mix and I firmly believe they do. I will probably write a similar post on the subject at some point but for now go and read hers.

Poetry again...

Untitled

When you see it,

and it’s layered and layered.

Large, impressive, and simple,

and tiny, functional

and endlessly complex.

Just step back in awe

and take a moment

to let it all sink in.

There’s more in one cell

more in one action

than we can comprehend

or recreate.

Imagine it pulsing

blood-rich and strong.

Imagine the places it can take you.

Imagine there’s nothing like it in this world

Because until you saw it,

laid out on the table before you,

it was only imagined.

But now it’s reality,

immense and miniscule,

crucial and only a part

of the bigger picture.

Only a part of us.

What more can’t we comprehend?

What more can we know?

Let’s lay it out on the table,

unveiled before us.

Judging ourselves.

10 commandments for happiness on the internet

1. Never read the comments. Ever. Doesn't matter what it is, it will always make you angry.

2. Set a time limit and adhere to it. ESPECIALLY on anything that has "page 1...2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 click for more" at the bottom. That is the equivalent of being offered drugs. Do NOT accept them or you'll come to your senses 5 hours later in the middle of the night feeling dehydrated, sick, and with a sense of time loss.

3. Exercise 15-20 minutes just before going online. You'll feel better about yourself and the endorphins will make you feel more kindly to the stupid people who hide in all corners of the internet.

4. Use Facebook to stay in touch with what's happening in other people's lives. Not to voraciously update them on yours (if they really care they'll ask and 85% of your statuses nobody cares about.) Also: block stupid people like there's no tomorrow.

5. Porn is evil. Please have some self control and pick one celebrity to periodically search for naked pictures of and that is IT. Limits are key.

6. Find at least one uplifting thing every time you go on. A picture, a quote, a blog, anything that enriches your life.

7. Never invite anyone to play Farmville, or Mafia Wars, or Castle Crap, or the Sad People's Party Game. Just don't. Nobody likes you when you do that.

8. Internet/Gaming addiction is a real thing and hurts the real people in your life. If you've been told you're addicted or are suffering because of it find a way to get help. People online or people in games are not worth the real people surrounding you in your life. Don't have anyone in real life? Go volunteer somewhere and say hi to people. Bam, problem solved.

9a. Learn to use proper grammar and spelling. It really does matter.
9b. If someone makes a mistake in grammar or spelling calm the $%*# down. I doubt you're perfect. If you were you wouldn't be obsessing over the grammar of someone you don't care about on the internet.

10. For the love of Gmail have a decent email address. Jizzinmypants@hotmail.com is not appropriate for any situation. I mean hotmail? Wth?