"What to do when you discover a beached whale"
Step 1: Ensure it is actually a whale and not a large obese man.
Step 2: If it IS a large obese man and he's pasty pale don't start screaming "MOBY DICK!! MOBY DICK" because he will get angry.
Step 3: After you have identified the beached object as a whale you must determine if it's still alive
Step 4: If it is not alive, proceed to step 6. If it is alive continue on to step 5.
Step 5: Kill the whale.
Step 6: Strip whale for bones and blubber. Eskimos will pay out the nose for that.
And that's what you do when you discover a beached whale.
