Now I lay me down to sleep,
please oh Lord my soul don't keep.
Let it drift throughout my mind.
Hidden secrets let it find.
Let it venture further on
and pass the time with those long gone.
Let it look through wardrobe doors
And spend an age on foreign shores.
Let it live in pages last
seen before the dream was cast.
Let it for a moment be
a spirit in the wild, free.
No my Lord my soul don't keep,
Let it leave me in my sleep.
And while I wander without fear
please keep this vessel safely here.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Poem: "A hidden, quaint, destructive thought"
A hidden, quaint, destructive thought,
crossed the paths I know.
And if another comes I’ll not
discourage the way it goes.
Neither moral nor good it cried
for deliverance to my mind.
All other habits turned and vied
to exclude my treasured find.
Curious, lost, and wonder-struck
I pulled it to the light.
My senses writhed at such ill-luck,
this chartered lack of sight.
I dragged you forward, exhilarant thought,
and eagerly let you show.
And I’m at last no longer caught
in all we’re supposed to know.
crossed the paths I know.
And if another comes I’ll not
discourage the way it goes.
Neither moral nor good it cried
for deliverance to my mind.
All other habits turned and vied
to exclude my treasured find.
Curious, lost, and wonder-struck
I pulled it to the light.
My senses writhed at such ill-luck,
this chartered lack of sight.
I dragged you forward, exhilarant thought,
and eagerly let you show.
And I’m at last no longer caught
in all we’re supposed to know.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Poetrying...
I can see the purple trees
skulking past the line of leaves.
Hidden in the staggered gloom
quiet, curious colors loom.
Somber light and sunlight past
gives the bark a different cast.
skulking past the line of leaves.
Hidden in the staggered gloom
quiet, curious colors loom.
Somber light and sunlight past
gives the bark a different cast.
There is no pomp yet I’m aware
that other shades are lurking there.
No regal sight or lofty glance;
they lend not to circumstance.
Dimly violet, violent tones
make them gravely wooden stones.
No regal sight or lofty glance;
they lend not to circumstance.
Dimly violet, violent tones
make them gravely wooden stones.
I walk through this forest floor
with speckled sun and nothing more;
encircled ‘bout by green and growth
but once inside there isn't both.
The darkened and autumnal state
the summer cannot penetrate.
I cannot keep my outer green
as the only self that’s seen.
This grove is dyed a richer hue
and in the dyeing I die too.
But mutely paying every cost;
imprismed spirits wander lost.
So the purple last remains;
pretense leaves and nothing claims
to fill the void of colors gone,
but I know my strength is drawn
from my plum and spectral hosts.
They, once alive, are now my ghosts.
I feed from the ebbing breaths,
decay and soil and royal deaths.
Plants you see all drenched with wine
are tucked away within my mind.
This joy of green and resting leaves
shields a realm of purple trees.
decay and soil and royal deaths.
Plants you see all drenched with wine
are tucked away within my mind.
This joy of green and resting leaves
shields a realm of purple trees.
Monday, June 24, 2013
This is an angsty piece of "flash fiction"
“Deedee.”
“Hmm?”
“Deedee.”
“What?”
“DEEDEE!”
“I said what!”
“Do you remember?”
“Remember what?”
“Do you remember why you’re here? Do you know what happened?” They’re acting like I’m some elderly person with my mind half gone. Of course I remember. I’ll always remember. But I don’t know what it is at the moment. It’s something terrible judging by their faces.
“Deedee do you know why you’re in the hospital?”
“I remember coming to the hospital. I was in a lot of pain.”
“But you don’t know why?” This was getting aggravating. I just told them why.
“Yeah, I was in a lot of pain.”
“Deedee do you remember why you were in pain?” Oh my god. I remember, I remember the pain. But it wasn’t the pain they were thinking of. I remember the pain from before. Before what they remember. I don’t remember the memory they have though. Why did it hurt so much outside? It usually hurts on the inside. But I don’t remember what was on the inside. The outside hurts too much to think.
“I’m not talking right now. I hurt.”
“But Deedee do you remember why?!”
“That’s enough, let me talk to her.” A new voice entered. A calm and terrible voice. I know this voice, he’s a paingiver. This voice gave me the first pain, the inside pain.
“No, I don’t want you. I want to sleep.”
“I have to tell you some things first Deedee, this is the first time in two days you’ve been fully aware of what’s going on.” Terrible terrible voice keeps talking to me. I hate that voice. But maybe I am fully aware. And maybe then the voice will leave without giving more pain.
“No it’s ok. I understand why I’m here. Everyone you don’t have to worry.” There are so many faces around me. Most are paingivers. But not on purpose, I’m sure they’re lovely people. I remember many of them have been in my house before, I better remember to thank them for stopping by the hospital.
“Deedee you’re in the hospital.” Yes, yes I know.
“You were brought in by your husband.” Oh yes, that face at the end. He isn’t usually a paingiver, except for once.
“He brought you in because you were hit by a car.” Oh the car I remember the car. The car was an outside paingiver, not an inside paingiver. I can stand outside ones.
“Yes I remember that. No need to look so serious. I’m alive aren’t I?”
“But…do you want to be alive, honey?” Paingiver voice. But I think it’s my sister’s. She never means the pain. Why would she ask that? She wants me to be alive I’m sure. I don’t answer; such a ridiculous question.
“Deedee you were seen to jump in front of the car. Your husband Jack said he was walking after you in the rain to bring you home when suddenly you turned and jumped into the street and were hit by an oncoming car.” Doctor doctor paingiver why would he tell me this? I didn’t remember and now I remember but I don’t want to know the end. The end will tear it all apart. I was so close, so unlucky.
“Deedee when I found you…” Jack’s voice choked, is he crying? He never cries. Heartless. But so caring. But he couldn’t cry when he needed to. Because I didn’t cry. Crying is for feeling and my feelings were dead.
“Honey I’m sorry about his rainboots. I left them out, I was moving boxes, I didn’t know you would see.” Jack was crying. How strange. I remember the rainboots. So little, he only wore them the one time. He would have grown out of them soon. Good thing he was wearing them, it was raining that day. It was also raining with the car.
“Deedee,” doctor began quietly, so quietly, but I still could hear. Dear God don’t let me hear.
“Deedee the rainboots were found with you. Knocked out of your hands. Clearly this is linked to Jonathan’s death. You’re going to be here for a long time undergoing intense psychotherapy and it will be hard, but everyone here cares about you and things are going to get better we promise.” There are the memories. The bastard brought them back. I finally knocked them out and he brought them back. Doctor paingiver that’s all he is. I know what he’s saying. I understand now. So they’re going to fix it? They can make it go away? I give them all my best smile:
“Lies.”
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
The toad of truth in this swamp of Ulysses...
So after having finished Part 1 of Ulysses I flipped through Part 2 to see how long that would take me and I realized that Part 1 is only 47 pages while Part 2 is in fact 635 pages. 6.3.5 pages!
I'm a pretty fast reader. It's one of my talents. If you're thinking of being wildly jealous of me remember that I trip over the floor when I'm not walking. But with my mad reading skills I can read Harry Potter 7 in a day. Impressive yes? And that's 759 pages! So you would think that I wouldn't find Ulysses so daunting until you actually open Ulysses and realize that reading Ulysses is like wading through a swamp. Of words. And there are Gaelic words and Irish words and more and more words and some of the words I know, like little patches of dry ground in the swamp, and I can stand on them and try to keep walking through the swamp but those words are so few and far between that I inevitably find myself stuck in this squelching sucking mud and marsh again and I know there are more dry spots but I can't find them because a lot of the time they're covered up with swamp and it takes some sifting to find my footing and sometimes I think I've found my footing but I read one more word (mahamanvantara) and I go pitching forward into the swamp again.
Run-on sentences are OK when you're discussing James Joyce.
But I'm 47 pages into the swamp and I have realized that Harry Potter and Ulysses are vastly different books and my ability to read a storybook quickly is not transferable to the "timeless classic" bog that I'm in.
And I have 19 books to read after this one! So when I realized that Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund is 666 pages (which seems unlucky in and of itself) I decided that unfortunately Ahab's Wife will have to wait for a future date and I have decided to replace it with Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, a lovely 288 pages and an author that I have been REALLY wanting to read. So yay for that! And now I have to go get in the swamp again.
As a child (and now) I really loved being in the mud and playing in the mud and so you would think that a muddy swamp wouldn't be an adequate metaphor for how overwhelming this book is but I liked mud on the ground when you can get in and play in it and mold it and mess with it and casually throw it around with other people. I do not like being in a swamp and thinking that the mud will never let me go.
I'm a pretty fast reader. It's one of my talents. If you're thinking of being wildly jealous of me remember that I trip over the floor when I'm not walking. But with my mad reading skills I can read Harry Potter 7 in a day. Impressive yes? And that's 759 pages! So you would think that I wouldn't find Ulysses so daunting until you actually open Ulysses and realize that reading Ulysses is like wading through a swamp. Of words. And there are Gaelic words and Irish words and more and more words and some of the words I know, like little patches of dry ground in the swamp, and I can stand on them and try to keep walking through the swamp but those words are so few and far between that I inevitably find myself stuck in this squelching sucking mud and marsh again and I know there are more dry spots but I can't find them because a lot of the time they're covered up with swamp and it takes some sifting to find my footing and sometimes I think I've found my footing but I read one more word (mahamanvantara) and I go pitching forward into the swamp again.
Run-on sentences are OK when you're discussing James Joyce.
But I'm 47 pages into the swamp and I have realized that Harry Potter and Ulysses are vastly different books and my ability to read a storybook quickly is not transferable to the "timeless classic" bog that I'm in.
And I have 19 books to read after this one! So when I realized that Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Naslund is 666 pages (which seems unlucky in and of itself) I decided that unfortunately Ahab's Wife will have to wait for a future date and I have decided to replace it with Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, a lovely 288 pages and an author that I have been REALLY wanting to read. So yay for that! And now I have to go get in the swamp again.
As a child (and now) I really loved being in the mud and playing in the mud and so you would think that a muddy swamp wouldn't be an adequate metaphor for how overwhelming this book is but I liked mud on the ground when you can get in and play in it and mold it and mess with it and casually throw it around with other people. I do not like being in a swamp and thinking that the mud will never let me go.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Books Galore!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Summer Joy
Reading List for the Summer
1. Ulysses, James Joyce
x2. Sylvie and Bruno, Lewis Carroll
x3. Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut
x4. Little Lord Fauntleroy, Frances Hodgson Burnett
x5. Ruins, Orson Scott Card
x6. Looking for Alaska, John Green
7. Einstein's Dreams, Alan Lightman
x8. Good Omens, Neil Gaiman
9. Ready Player One, Ernest Cline
10. The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner
x11. The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
12. Inferno, Dan Brown
x13. A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf
x14. Push, Sapphire
15. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood
x16. Rebecca, Daphne Du Maurier
17. Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice
x18. Dark Lord of Derkholm, Diana Wynne Jones
x19. Dead Until Dark, Charlaine Harris
x20. The Hobbit, Tolkein
1. Ulysses, James Joyce
x2. Sylvie and Bruno, Lewis Carroll
x3. Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut
x4. Little Lord Fauntleroy, Frances Hodgson Burnett
x5. Ruins, Orson Scott Card
x6. Looking for Alaska, John Green
7. Einstein's Dreams, Alan Lightman
x8. Good Omens, Neil Gaiman
9. Ready Player One, Ernest Cline
10. The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner
x11. The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
12. Inferno, Dan Brown
x13. A Room of One's Own, Virginia Woolf
x14. Push, Sapphire
15. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood
x16. Rebecca, Daphne Du Maurier
17. Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice
x18. Dark Lord of Derkholm, Diana Wynne Jones
x19. Dead Until Dark, Charlaine Harris
x20. The Hobbit, Tolkein
Female Authors
As I look for books to read this summer I realized I have read far fewer books by female authors than I have by male authors and while the male authors are brilliant our roughly 50:50 ratio in the population means there are an equal number of brilliant female authors that I have not read. And that's not ok. So I found this list that seems promising and has an entertaining introduction. Clearly it is not a comprehensive list but if you would like to jump in and explore some female authors with me this seems like a good place to start. (I do NOT recommend starting with the Wharton book. She is an acquired taste).
I say all of this because I firmly believe that feminism was not a movement in the fifties it is an ongoing struggle that is put on every person alive and in particular every woman is responsible for driving it forward. And as a disclaimer, a feminist does not seek to push all men down but seeks to bolster all women up.
And men can be feminists too. :)
I say all of this because I firmly believe that feminism was not a movement in the fifties it is an ongoing struggle that is put on every person alive and in particular every woman is responsible for driving it forward. And as a disclaimer, a feminist does not seek to push all men down but seeks to bolster all women up.
And men can be feminists too. :)
Friday, May 24, 2013
Once in a blue moon...
I think I just accidentally mooned an old man.
I was outside cleaning out my car so I was kneeling in the back and digging around under my seats to get the colony of taco bell wrappers that had taken up residence there. Unbeknownst to me the old man, who spends every evening sitting on a rock by the sidewalk in front of my apartment complex, had taken up his seat on said rock and was watching me clean out my car.
Which is fine. My car was directly in front of his rock and he was just sitting there, he may have been there the entire time. Little bearded septuagenarians might blend in well with rocks I don't know. But I do know that I was cleaning my car out in a skirt.
Which may or may not have been crawling up.
And I was wearing some of my more "divulging" underwear.
Which may or may not have been crawling up.
So free show on Belmont Ave everyone. Sorry you missed it.
I was outside cleaning out my car so I was kneeling in the back and digging around under my seats to get the colony of taco bell wrappers that had taken up residence there. Unbeknownst to me the old man, who spends every evening sitting on a rock by the sidewalk in front of my apartment complex, had taken up his seat on said rock and was watching me clean out my car.
Which is fine. My car was directly in front of his rock and he was just sitting there, he may have been there the entire time. Little bearded septuagenarians might blend in well with rocks I don't know. But I do know that I was cleaning my car out in a skirt.
Which may or may not have been crawling up.
And I was wearing some of my more "divulging" underwear.
Which may or may not have been crawling up.
So free show on Belmont Ave everyone. Sorry you missed it.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Kids make you like things you didn't want to: Dora the Explorer
Since my sister has had children I've realized that you can't control people. I imagine when you birth your own progeny you have to realize this too but that's not happening anytime soon. Most of us realize on some level that we can't control other people but then there's children and we think "Well this child is under my care and protection and very impressionable so I do have some measure of control over them." And then you get to know them and realize that they're going to do whatever they damn well please and you have to deal with it. At least that's what happened with my nieces: Thing 1 and Thing 2.
I have always had a fierce and burning scorn for Dora the Explorer.
She doesn't speak Spanish very well and the show, in my opinion, is condescending. And then lo and behold Thing 1 went and got SUPER into Dora the Explorer. She watched Dora on YouTube and Netflix and acted out the scenarios from the shows and loved Dora things and Boot things and anything Dora. And Thing 2 got older and jumped on board with her big sis. And I of course have this urge to hang out with these people and want them to love me (because the only approval worth having is the approval of children) so of course I got stuck watching Dora too. And I had to play the games and reenact the shows and do all that stuff because I'm a good sport and have a desperate need for these kids to think I'm cool.
During all of this I still scorned Dora, but I had to stop making fun of her because the Things loved her so much. And sometimes when I was riding down the river in a couch boat for the fifteenth time I found myself getting caught up in the game and willing to play along. And other times when watching the latest Dora on loan from the library I would catch myself answering Dora when she asked her stupid questions. But it's for the kids right?
Wrong. It didn't stop there. Not only did I play the games but I became the characters. I can be a kick-ass backpack or map. And I sat in that couch-boat on the river longer than the girls did. I got way way way to into watching the shows. In a creepy way. I shouted the right answer to Dora and made everyone else in the house yell it with me (she just stares at you waiting if you don't). And nobody screams "SWIPER NO SWIPING" louder than me when that little bastard is moving in on Dora's stuff. He even has the nerve to steal from Boots. Boots! Who did Boots ever hurt? Swiper is hardcore. And now I get legitimately excited when I find Dora stuff. Buy all the Dora toys! They need their own backpacks! Maps! The Dora picnic basket! Dora has a cousin? Awesome! Bring on Diego! The coolest I've ever been in the eyes of my nieces was working at an animal rehab center "just like Diego." And you know what? I was just like Diego. And I was awesome.
And now that I've learned to love these things what do you think these twerps did? Got into Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell! I have major issues with Tinkerbell.
What else does Dora have in her backpack?!?!?
I have always had a fierce and burning scorn for Dora the Explorer.
 |
| Wth is on the tip of Boot's tail? |
During all of this I still scorned Dora, but I had to stop making fun of her because the Things loved her so much. And sometimes when I was riding down the river in a couch boat for the fifteenth time I found myself getting caught up in the game and willing to play along. And other times when watching the latest Dora on loan from the library I would catch myself answering Dora when she asked her stupid questions. But it's for the kids right?
Wrong. It didn't stop there. Not only did I play the games but I became the characters. I can be a kick-ass backpack or map. And I sat in that couch-boat on the river longer than the girls did. I got way way way to into watching the shows. In a creepy way. I shouted the right answer to Dora and made everyone else in the house yell it with me (she just stares at you waiting if you don't). And nobody screams "SWIPER NO SWIPING" louder than me when that little bastard is moving in on Dora's stuff. He even has the nerve to steal from Boots. Boots! Who did Boots ever hurt? Swiper is hardcore. And now I get legitimately excited when I find Dora stuff. Buy all the Dora toys! They need their own backpacks! Maps! The Dora picnic basket! Dora has a cousin? Awesome! Bring on Diego! The coolest I've ever been in the eyes of my nieces was working at an animal rehab center "just like Diego." And you know what? I was just like Diego. And I was awesome.
And now that I've learned to love these things what do you think these twerps did? Got into Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell! I have major issues with Tinkerbell.
What else does Dora have in her backpack?!?!?
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Vehicular Events
Today I was in my second unfortunate vehicular event.
The first event was driving my bro in-law's car while following him (driving his friend's truck) with his two children in the car. I got distracted by a giant Hindu statue in someone's front yard and rear-ended him. With his own car. And his children. I cannot express how horrified I was. Luckily there was minimal damage that no one made me pay for and no one was injured. But horrifying nonetheless.
The second event was just as mundane. I was driving to work and there was a lot of traffic and I was busting out some of my sweet jams "HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE WOLF CRY TO THE BLUE CORN MOON! OR ASKED THE GRINNING-OW!" And then someone rear ended me. It was VERY surprising and my head smacked into the head "rest." We pulled into the a parking lot and the kid jumped out of his car: "OMG I'm so sorry! Are you ok?! How's your car? I swear I wasn't even texting or anything!" So after I reassured him. I went through this huge process of getting my purse out of the car, which took like a million steps for some reason, I kept almost getting it out and then got distracted by him saying something and would leave it in the front seat. And shut the door! Wtf? Makes no sense. And that whole process somehow broke my watch. Logic? No. So I finally got my info out, and he discovered that he didn't have his insurance card.
Kid: "So you really need the insurance info?"
Me: "Well yeah it's a good idea, just to have all our bases covered."
Kid: "Really because I wasn't even going to bother telling my Dad, I'm not going to like come after your insurance or anything."
Me: "Oh I believe you...But I still need your insurance."
Kid: Visibly crestfallen. "Ok I'll call my dad..."
I had him call his dad and meanwhile I called MY dad to make sure I was doing this right and eventually he got a hold of his dad and handed me the phone.
Me: "Hi."
Bill: "I'm so sorry my son rear-ended you."
Me: Lets that joke go..."Oh these things happen."
Bill: "Do you want a couple hundred bucks for the damage? I work in an auto shop you can bring it by and I'll give you an oil change, lube job, anything you want."
Me: Lets lube job joke slide by... "Well I'm not worried about any damage, it seems pretty minimal but I do want to make sure I get all the info."
Bill: "Ok here's the policy number, the insurance company, and here's my number, and the shop I work at and my name and my wife's name."
Me: "...alrighty then...well thank you."
So my car is fine. Well, it wasn't damaged. It has other issues. And I feel bad for the kid. But my back was already messed up this week and now I've got this super awesome burning sensation on my neck and upper back and the ibuprofen I took made me sick at work and didn't alleviate any pain. I spent all evening at work going back and forth between feeling fine but achy and sick and about to burst into tears. No logic.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
9 Things That are Annoying
These things bug me.
1. This really bugs me about multiple choice questions:
"Super fancy school question."
a.) Possible answer.
b.) Another possible answer.
c.) None of the above.
d.) All of the above.
How? How will the answer ever be d? And you're the one testing me? Either you or your testing bank should be seriously, seriously ashamed of yourself.
2. "ur" and "u."
Now I don't have a problem with abbreviations and acronyms as a whole. But first of all, "ur" cannot possibly be a replacement. It doesn't sound like "your" or "you're." And it doesn't differentiate between the two forms at all so you're just writing letters.
Secondly yes "u" sounds like "you" (and it saves you all of two letters). But if you capitalize it you no longer have a pronoun, you have the symbol for Uranium. Which is probably not what you were talking about. If it was what you were talking about then I'm sorry and we should chat because U is really interesting and I want to learn more about it (see what I did there? Just used it correctly. Ha-ha-SUCK IT).
3. I really like the Numa-Numa song. And it's not super popular anymore. Makes me sad.
4. I don't understand why Fox News still exists. I can only conclude that there are people even dumber than Fox News watching Fox News and this makes me very, very sad.
These are the people who use "ur."
5. Words with Friends is not the same as Scrabble and it's not as good as Scrabble and it doesn't follow proper word-game rules. Which are the rules of Scrabble. Or use the Official Scrabble Player's Dictionary which is the correct word-game dictionary. And yet on Facebook everyone plays Words with Friends. Dumb.
And for some reason people stopped playing it with me because I either beat them or insisted on playing until I beat them. Because I guess that was "really annoying." Jerks.
6. When my back doesn't pop for no good reason. Even though I'm doing exactly the same thing that made it pop last time.
7. People who call me instead of texting me. There's a very small group of people I would rather talk to on the phone and about half of them are my mom. Soooo yeah...
8. People putting ice in my drink when I specifically order no ice. And I can tell when it's going to happen too. I know if they're listening closely or not. Even when they repeat back my no ice part of my order often they STILL give me ice. Bastards.
9. "Shine bright like a diamond(x572)" NO. I will be a dark sooty piece of coal my whole life just to spite you. I hate it sooo much. "Flames...flames, on the side of my face."
1. This really bugs me about multiple choice questions:
"Super fancy school question."
a.) Possible answer.
b.) Another possible answer.
c.) None of the above.
d.) All of the above.
How? How will the answer ever be d? And you're the one testing me? Either you or your testing bank should be seriously, seriously ashamed of yourself.
2. "ur" and "u."
Now I don't have a problem with abbreviations and acronyms as a whole. But first of all, "ur" cannot possibly be a replacement. It doesn't sound like "your" or "you're." And it doesn't differentiate between the two forms at all so you're just writing letters.
Secondly yes "u" sounds like "you" (and it saves you all of two letters). But if you capitalize it you no longer have a pronoun, you have the symbol for Uranium. Which is probably not what you were talking about. If it was what you were talking about then I'm sorry and we should chat because U is really interesting and I want to learn more about it (see what I did there? Just used it correctly. Ha-ha-SUCK IT).
3. I really like the Numa-Numa song. And it's not super popular anymore. Makes me sad.
4. I don't understand why Fox News still exists. I can only conclude that there are people even dumber than Fox News watching Fox News and this makes me very, very sad.
These are the people who use "ur."
5. Words with Friends is not the same as Scrabble and it's not as good as Scrabble and it doesn't follow proper word-game rules. Which are the rules of Scrabble. Or use the Official Scrabble Player's Dictionary which is the correct word-game dictionary. And yet on Facebook everyone plays Words with Friends. Dumb.
And for some reason people stopped playing it with me because I either beat them or insisted on playing until I beat them. Because I guess that was "really annoying." Jerks.
6. When my back doesn't pop for no good reason. Even though I'm doing exactly the same thing that made it pop last time.
7. People who call me instead of texting me. There's a very small group of people I would rather talk to on the phone and about half of them are my mom. Soooo yeah...
8. People putting ice in my drink when I specifically order no ice. And I can tell when it's going to happen too. I know if they're listening closely or not. Even when they repeat back my no ice part of my order often they STILL give me ice. Bastards.
9. "Shine bright like a diamond(x572)" NO. I will be a dark sooty piece of coal my whole life just to spite you. I hate it sooo much. "Flames...flames, on the side of my face."
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Sometimes
Sometimes
you are walked slowly to
the precipice
of a moment
a change,
a paradigm shift.
Or
you are dragged
screaming, to the cliff-side;
clawing the ground.
And dirt clods
crumble
and fall.
Maybe
you turn around quite
suddenly
and there you are,
the leap,
a tentative step,
one inch more.
Sometimes
you make the fall,
careening,
downward,
in progress.
But the wind invigorates
at least
on the way down.
And this
is better
than standing stomach
clenched
on the edge.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Prepare to be incredulous...
Recently I have been whining that I haven't seen any classic 80's movies. And usually this is how that conversation goes:
Me: "Yeah I haven't really seen any of those classic 80's movies."
Person: "Like what?"
Me: "Um, like Breakfast Club? 16 Candles? Stuff like that."
Person: "OMG YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BREAKFAST CLUB? But you've seen Pretty in Pink right?"
Me: "No."
Person: "WHAT?!!?! Ok but you've seen like Ghostbusters right?"
Me: "No I really haven't seen anyth-"
Person: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! What 80's movies have you seen?"
Me: "Uh...well we watched Indiana Jones and Star Trek a lot at my house..."
Person: "Ok, promise me you will watch *insertfavoritemovie*"
ME: "Oh yeah, totally..."
To clarify, I mean 80's movies that I feel like most people have seen or heard of. This is based on what I have seen, what I grew up hearing referenced and ones that people get actually angry with me for not having seen. Like I've violated some human movie contract. Also I'm not talking weird cult favorite B movies or anything like that. When I say "classic 80s movies" this is generally what I mean (and maybe some are '79 or whatever, who cares):
Star Wars (all), Shining, Blues Brothers, Indiana Jones (any), E.T., Star Trek (any), A Christmas Story, Terminator, Gremlins, Karate Kid, Back to the Future, Breakfast Club, Goonies, Ferris Bueller, Top Gun, Labyrinth, Princess Bride, Dirty Dancing, Die Hard, Beetle Juice, Roger Rabbit, Harry Met Sally, 16 Candles, Pretty in Pink, Ghostbusters, etc. etc.
So of that list above I have NOT SEEN:
The Shining
Blues Brothers
Terminator
Gremlins
Karate Kid
Ferris Bueller
Top Gun
Dirty Dancing
Die Hard
Beetle Juice
Harry Met Sally
16 Candles
Pretty in Pink
Ghostbusters
I believe I have seen Christmas Story and Goonies all the way through, but Goonies I barely saw last year.
Speaking of Christmas Story, I hate that movie. It's creepy, they swear in it and somehow every kid grew up watching it? What? Who let you watch that? It's just weird. AND I also hated Who Framed Roger Rabbit when I was growing up. And I haven't seen it for years, but it's probably still a creepy-ass movie. The guy melting? Terrifying. The weird, weird, WEIRD relationship between Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit? I'm sorry, but that would never happen. There is no way that someone as hot as Jessica would bother with Roger Rabbit. Guy is a moron. And so loud! He's always yelling about stuff. Don't like the movie. Don't like the ride at Disneyland. Don't like it. I'll probably get a lot of crap for it, but I don't like E.T. either. Yes it was ground-breaking and yes it was heart-warming but I just don't have pleasant feelings attached to that movie. I don't know why. It skeeves me out.
On a related note, I purposefully have not watched Beetlejuice every Halloween on ABC family because are you kidding? Looks effing creepy.
I just barely watched Breakfast Club today, and it is a fantastic movie! It deserves to be a classic. But everyone is all over me for not having seen it ages ago and I'm watching it and it's an R rated movie. It has the F word, it has adult themes, it's a legit R rated movie. I ask you, when the hell was I supposed to have seen it? I am 24. Why would I have grown up watching it? I was under age 10 for the 90s? My mother had standards and didn't randomly let me watch R rated movies. I would say no offense to you and how you were raised but seriously? Parenting fail for you my friend, hate to break it to you. I didn't see an (unedited) PG-13 movie until I was...13! Wow. How horrible of me. Watching appropriate content for my age group. Horrible. I didn't see an R rated movie until I was 17. Maybe. It might have been 18. So it's only horrifying that I haven't seen Breakfast Club in the last like 5 years. And CLEARLY ya'll aren't sitting around watching it everyday so when would I have seen it? My parents don't watch R movies. So this is all on my friends. YOUR FAULT.
That can actually apply to any of these movies that are R or inappropriate. And it's not my mom and dad's fault. It's my friends' fault. It is a friend's job to expose you to all the weird, creepy, messed up, awesome, hilarious stuff that you need to be a well-rounded person.
And as for the movies that do not fall into the above category, such as Karate Kid, I don't have a good excuse. We watched Star Wars a lot. And Star Trek. And then we watched Disney! Kid's movies! I was a big fan of Bingo as a kid. I saw it as an adult and it was creepier than any other movie I've ever seen. But it was a kid's movie! I also have a deep and abiding love for Homeward Bound. I still love that movie. I will watch it any time. Any time. And my brother and I watched cartoons! Saturday morning! So sorry for being childlike in my childhood.
To sum up. No I haven't seen your favorite 80's movie. And yes I have probably laughed at a quote or reference you made without knowing what the hell you were talking about. I recognize they are good movies, I promise I am trying to rectify the situation. I'm going to watch Stand By Me tomorrow! I'm getting there. I mostly want to watch it because it has Whil Wheaton in it, but it counts. If you can think of other phenomenal movies that you think "everyone" has seen let me know! And then loan it to me! Or invite me over! If it's so damn important make it happen!
Me: "Yeah I haven't really seen any of those classic 80's movies."
Person: "Like what?"
Me: "Um, like Breakfast Club? 16 Candles? Stuff like that."
Person: "OMG YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BREAKFAST CLUB? But you've seen Pretty in Pink right?"
Me: "No."
Person: "WHAT?!!?! Ok but you've seen like Ghostbusters right?"
Me: "No I really haven't seen anyth-"
Person: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! What 80's movies have you seen?"
Me: "Uh...well we watched Indiana Jones and Star Trek a lot at my house..."
Person: "Ok, promise me you will watch *insertfavoritemovie*"
ME: "Oh yeah, totally..."
To clarify, I mean 80's movies that I feel like most people have seen or heard of. This is based on what I have seen, what I grew up hearing referenced and ones that people get actually angry with me for not having seen. Like I've violated some human movie contract. Also I'm not talking weird cult favorite B movies or anything like that. When I say "classic 80s movies" this is generally what I mean (and maybe some are '79 or whatever, who cares):
Star Wars (all), Shining, Blues Brothers, Indiana Jones (any), E.T., Star Trek (any), A Christmas Story, Terminator, Gremlins, Karate Kid, Back to the Future, Breakfast Club, Goonies, Ferris Bueller, Top Gun, Labyrinth, Princess Bride, Dirty Dancing, Die Hard, Beetle Juice, Roger Rabbit, Harry Met Sally, 16 Candles, Pretty in Pink, Ghostbusters, etc. etc.
So of that list above I have NOT SEEN:
The Shining
Blues Brothers
Terminator
Gremlins
Karate Kid
Ferris Bueller
Top Gun
Dirty Dancing
Die Hard
Beetle Juice
Harry Met Sally
16 Candles
Pretty in Pink
Ghostbusters
I believe I have seen Christmas Story and Goonies all the way through, but Goonies I barely saw last year.
Speaking of Christmas Story, I hate that movie. It's creepy, they swear in it and somehow every kid grew up watching it? What? Who let you watch that? It's just weird. AND I also hated Who Framed Roger Rabbit when I was growing up. And I haven't seen it for years, but it's probably still a creepy-ass movie. The guy melting? Terrifying. The weird, weird, WEIRD relationship between Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit? I'm sorry, but that would never happen. There is no way that someone as hot as Jessica would bother with Roger Rabbit. Guy is a moron. And so loud! He's always yelling about stuff. Don't like the movie. Don't like the ride at Disneyland. Don't like it. I'll probably get a lot of crap for it, but I don't like E.T. either. Yes it was ground-breaking and yes it was heart-warming but I just don't have pleasant feelings attached to that movie. I don't know why. It skeeves me out.
On a related note, I purposefully have not watched Beetlejuice every Halloween on ABC family because are you kidding? Looks effing creepy.
I just barely watched Breakfast Club today, and it is a fantastic movie! It deserves to be a classic. But everyone is all over me for not having seen it ages ago and I'm watching it and it's an R rated movie. It has the F word, it has adult themes, it's a legit R rated movie. I ask you, when the hell was I supposed to have seen it? I am 24. Why would I have grown up watching it? I was under age 10 for the 90s? My mother had standards and didn't randomly let me watch R rated movies. I would say no offense to you and how you were raised but seriously? Parenting fail for you my friend, hate to break it to you. I didn't see an (unedited) PG-13 movie until I was...13! Wow. How horrible of me. Watching appropriate content for my age group. Horrible. I didn't see an R rated movie until I was 17. Maybe. It might have been 18. So it's only horrifying that I haven't seen Breakfast Club in the last like 5 years. And CLEARLY ya'll aren't sitting around watching it everyday so when would I have seen it? My parents don't watch R movies. So this is all on my friends. YOUR FAULT.
That can actually apply to any of these movies that are R or inappropriate. And it's not my mom and dad's fault. It's my friends' fault. It is a friend's job to expose you to all the weird, creepy, messed up, awesome, hilarious stuff that you need to be a well-rounded person.
And as for the movies that do not fall into the above category, such as Karate Kid, I don't have a good excuse. We watched Star Wars a lot. And Star Trek. And then we watched Disney! Kid's movies! I was a big fan of Bingo as a kid. I saw it as an adult and it was creepier than any other movie I've ever seen. But it was a kid's movie! I also have a deep and abiding love for Homeward Bound. I still love that movie. I will watch it any time. Any time. And my brother and I watched cartoons! Saturday morning! So sorry for being childlike in my childhood.
To sum up. No I haven't seen your favorite 80's movie. And yes I have probably laughed at a quote or reference you made without knowing what the hell you were talking about. I recognize they are good movies, I promise I am trying to rectify the situation. I'm going to watch Stand By Me tomorrow! I'm getting there. I mostly want to watch it because it has Whil Wheaton in it, but it counts. If you can think of other phenomenal movies that you think "everyone" has seen let me know! And then loan it to me! Or invite me over! If it's so damn important make it happen!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
My furniture even matches. Kind of.
SWEET MOTHER OF BANDWITH guess what I have?!!?! If you said moderately fast internet that won't crap out on videos and lets me find happiness and solace for loneliness online then you would be CORRECT.
If you said a ton of HW due tomorrow and an odd-smelling, messy apartment then you would also be correct my dear internet friend but I was not speaking of that so suck it.
Yes it is true. I have real internet of my very own in my very own apartment that I am now financially responsible for for one year. I also have a job and go to school full time where I am currently passing all of my classes. And I own a car that RUNS 100% of the time (so far) and as of this moment I am paying for all of my own bills without help. If we don't count last month. Which we aren't.
I even had an accountant do my taxes. I am so effing grown up right now my childhood is trembling in awe.
AND I own super grown-upy things like a toilet brush and a couch and pots and pans with matching lids. You heard me. I even ate breakfast today, and it was a bowl of cereal not mt dew. I ate it at 1:30 because I got up at noon but does that matter? No.
So in case anyone was wondering: I am an ADULT. Bam. Mind-blown. I'm winning at life for the moment. But I have to get off the internet because I have a paper that was assigned two weeks ago and is due tomorrow and I haven't started it yet.
OK maybe life and I are tied.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
If you think this is about something important you're dreaming
Have you ever had a dream?
Not like a legit, Martin Luther King Jr. dream that actually means something. But a weird, half asleep almost awake dream that mixes in enough reality that it freaks you out but is freaking weird and you can't shake it when you wake up? I had one of those dreams this morning. And so I sat down to write a blog post about it (because that's what you do, things happen to you but they don't REALLY happen to you until you put it on the internet) and now that I'm actually writing the post the whole dream has slipped away. I don't remember it at all. So now I'm left with a general feeling of unease, some random future moment of deja vou when something happens that was similar to my dream but I won't realize it because I FORGOT the stupid dream, and a pointless blog post.
But let's face it, like 80% of blog posts are pointless. But I think that they have the potential to be pointed, or not pointless? You know what I mean. Yes most blog posts/facebook posts/twitter tweets/instagram pics/pinterest pins are so pointless they're circular (not mathematically correct I know, shut up). But some posts have the potential to be triangular! Or rectangular! Or maybe even centagonal if that's a thing. They can be great, inspiring things that millions read and enjoy!
But this isn't one of those. This is a circular blog post.
Not like a legit, Martin Luther King Jr. dream that actually means something. But a weird, half asleep almost awake dream that mixes in enough reality that it freaks you out but is freaking weird and you can't shake it when you wake up? I had one of those dreams this morning. And so I sat down to write a blog post about it (because that's what you do, things happen to you but they don't REALLY happen to you until you put it on the internet) and now that I'm actually writing the post the whole dream has slipped away. I don't remember it at all. So now I'm left with a general feeling of unease, some random future moment of deja vou when something happens that was similar to my dream but I won't realize it because I FORGOT the stupid dream, and a pointless blog post.
But let's face it, like 80% of blog posts are pointless. But I think that they have the potential to be pointed, or not pointless? You know what I mean. Yes most blog posts/facebook posts/twitter tweets/instagram pics/pinterest pins are so pointless they're circular (not mathematically correct I know, shut up). But some posts have the potential to be triangular! Or rectangular! Or maybe even centagonal if that's a thing. They can be great, inspiring things that millions read and enjoy!
But this isn't one of those. This is a circular blog post.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Evolution and Christianity DOES mix.
My cousin and I are very very similar. Almost frighteningly so. She just posted "Confessions of an LDS Biology Student" on her blog and it describes so many of my feelings on the subject. There is no reason why science and God shouldn't mix and I firmly believe they do. I will probably write a similar post on the subject at some point but for now go and read hers.
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